Tales of a Knitting NICU Nurse

Houston we have go

Yes, that would be an acceptance letter. I found out two weeks ago actually (been a bit busy and a bad blogger). I have the acceptance letter now I wait for all the paperwork to arrive. I have it pretty much paid for between the GI Bill and the tuition assistance from work. I may actually have enough left over to replace my ancient laptop. We'll see.
No knitting. No time really. Jack is crawling. He all terrain crawls now. Our barricade to keep him in a small area for right now has failed. We have gates, but due to the layout of the house there's one spot that right now I don't want him crawling to that I can't gate off. So I'll have to rework the barricade.
The new job is going well. I know I made the right decision. Especially after I talked to some former coworkers. An exodus has begun. Not just new people either, but people who have been there 10 plus years. Management has gone off the deep end as far as how they treat the staff. No one is happy and it's just getting worse. Happy to have all of my sanity intact.
Not much else to say. Just trying to get grad school taken care of and keeping up with an 8 month old. If we could bottle kid's energy we would never need oil again.

Checking In

I started the new job this week, well last week, but I was on the floor this week. What a difference between hospitals. My last day at the old job we had 70ish babies and most were really sick. New place, 7 babies and most are ready to go home. The overall outcomes are much better at the new place. I couldn't believe that kids go home well before their due date, not well after. It's pretty freaking amazing.
Of course this is just the first week.
Another thing, people actually seem genuinely pleased to be working with one another. There doesn't seem to be any cliques or cattiness. (again it is just the first week). People do seem willing to help each other out, regardless of who it is. It's seeing the bigger picture I guess. It's the closest I've found to how it is in the military in the civilian world. I don't expect anything to be like the work ethic and camaraderie I had while in the Air Force, but this place is pretty close (so far).
Again, it's just the first week. But so far, so good. I do have a good gut feeling though.
Jack is doing great. I'm amazed by his size though, he seems so much smaller than most other 8 monthers. He's strong as a bull though. He almost toppled his dinner plate this afternoon by trying to pull it out of my hands. If I hadn't seen it coming, he would have. Speaking of said dinner plate, eating remains his favorite pass time. He's been on solids since he was 4 months old. It took about a month for him to really want them. Now he plows through 4 or 5 jars of baby food a day with rice cereal, plus Cheerios, bread, bananas, apples, etc. It got to the point that having multiple jars opened at the table was a royal pain. I "invested" in the Skip Hop Palette. I love it! There's not really a good pic of it online being used. Essentially you use the colored bowls to put food into the palette. You use the built in bowl or mix it together or to feed out of. I've been using two of the colored bowls for baby food and the third bowl for cereal/ puffs. I've been mixing Jack's veggies and fruits together in the big bowl. The same stuff has got to be getting boring to him. For lunch he had a mix of peas and squash. Right now I won't let him have the Palette to eat of off, it'll be on the floor too fast. And since he's been on a drinking strike, he's been getting more solids to make sure he's getting enough to eat.
He's not crawling yet, he can't quite figure out yet what to do with his legs to get going. He's got the arms figured out. He can get up on his knees and hands. But the back half of him is clueless. He doesn't seem to care though, he belly scoots across the floor and has a good ol' time. Or he rolls and rolls everywhere. He had no interest in pulling himself yet either. He likes  loves standing. His Jumperoo is still his favorite thing.
I have no knitting to show either. I really have no desire right now. Too much going on. I can leave you though with the newest slide show starring Jack.

Future Caver

My brother is a caver. He likes to get filthy muddy and crawl around in dark holes in the ground. He's been really excited that he has a nephew that he could potentially take caving one day. He even got Jack a onsie: Yeah he's a bit excited.
So he's been really excited to learn that Jack is trying to crawl. Occasionally Jack can get up on all fours and crawl a foot. Usually he winds up sprawled out and belly crawls. Or rolls, he's a big roller. Tonight though, Jack decided he was going caving. Under his Pack N Play.

He may not be fully crawling, but if you ask me, he's doing fine.

NICU Nursing

So I'm pretty obsessive about looking at my blog stats, mostly what brought people to my blog. Often it's bloglines or other blogs. Sometimes it's blog searches. Sometimes it's just plain Google searches. I've noticed alot of blog traffic lately with the same theme, someone Googles something along the lines of "what new NICU nurses need to know".
Well that's a loaded question.
I don't know if I'm the person to answer that or not, but I guess I can try. Let me preface it by saying I've been a NICU nurse for 5 years, a nurse for 9. There are a lot more people who know alot more about nursing with a lot more experience. This is just my take.
First, I would tell a new grad never to start in an ICU first, especially a NICU. It's not that I don't think they can't do it, it's more along the lines of how can you take care of a sick baby if you don't know what normal looks like first? We get all these new grads who are great a reading blood gases, labs, etc, but have no idea about the basics. How to feed an infant, what a normal infant looks like at birth, etc. Those are really important things to know. You can't recognize a newborn in distress versus a normal benign variation if you've never seen normal. So take a year and work either in a step down NICU or a regular nursery. Then transfer to a NICU.
If you are set on going straight to a NICU, keep your ears open and your mouth shut. Seriously. You can not tell me how to do it better. You've never seen most of this, even if you did your practicum in a NICU. The NICU isn't covered in nursing school, not the way pediatrics, med/surg or most other sub specialties are. You don't know what a normal urine output is, the best place to start an IV, or how to put an NG down. You might know all that for adults, but not for a neonate. And if by some chance you picked it up somewhere, and it's different from what I'm telling you, ask me why. Don't tell me I'm wrong. Often, criteria for normal varies somewhat between units. What I say is good in unit A may not have been what you were told in unit B. Guess what we're in unit A. Leave unit B behind.
Think twice before you talk to parents. They're going to be scared, nervous and often argumentative. Their child is critically ill, all sanity has left the building. If they ask you a question and you don't know, say you're not sure and ask someone else. Don't make something up. And for the love of God, don't say I'm new at this and I don't know. You'll never see a parent run so fast to the charge nurse to find a new nurse. It's one thing to say you're not sure, it's another to say I don't know. It might be semantics, but it means everything to a scared mom or dad.
Think twice before you call the doc at 2 in the morning. Now I'm not saying not to call, but have all of your info together before you call. Make sure you know exactly what you're calling about. You don't want to be on the phone with them at 2 in the morning fumbling for info. You'll never get anywhere with them. Is it right that they don't want to be bothered and don't want to do what's right (i.e. wake up enough to listen?), no, it's not. But it is what it is. You'll do yourself and your patient a big favor by having your stuff together.
Ask questions. Ask ask ask. But there is a fine line. If people are busy, ask the urgent questions then, later when things have calmed down talk to someone about why things were done the way they were. Do yourself one more favor. If someone explains something once and you don't understand, tell them. Ask someone else. If you don't get it a third or fourth time, well maybe it's time to hit the books, online, whatever. Don't expect your coworkers to explain everything to you. Take an active roll in your career. Sign up for NANN. Sign up for Neonatal Network. Go to conferences. Be proactive.
Try. Try. Try. If you don't get it, try again. How do you think the 30 year NICU nurse got so good at IV's? She tried again and again. Yeah you don't want to cause your patient pain while you try. But you have to try. You have to weigh the benefits versus the cons. For the love of God though, if your kid's heart rate is 220 and he's breathing like he's about to pass out, don't try then. Your kid is already stressed out enough. Now is not the time.
Don't complain because you have to work 1. weekends 2. holidays 3. nightshift. Just because you are the new grad with all "the skills" doesn't make you God's gift to the unit. Expect to work holidays. Expect to work the holidays you want off the most. Expect to work the weekends you don't want to work. Expect to have the crappy schedule. You're brand new. You have to pick up the slack. Every nurse on that unit has had to go through it. Their turn is over. They deserve the seniority to say, no thanks, I don't want to work Christmas this year. Your turn will come. It's not eating our young, it's the way it goes. Any job. The new guy gets the short stick. Stop whining, it's short term.
If you are seriously grossed out by breastmilk, pick another unit to work in. I seriously can not stress that enough. There are a lot of NICU nurses who have serious issues with breast milk. They're totally skived  by breastfeeding in general and breast milk throws them overboard. It's the best thing for the babies. It's a bodily fluid. It's often the only thing Mom can do for her child. Is it gross. Yeah it's gross. Do you need to triple glove and make faces while making a syringe or bottle up. No. Get over it.
Lastly, and most importantly, if you don't love what you do by the end of your first year, leave. Find somewhere else to work. Figure out what it is you don't like. Maybe it's just the unit. Maybe it's babies. Maybe it's sick babies. Maybe it's whatever. If you don't find joy in what you do you'll never be happy. You'll never be a good nurse. You won't find empathy for your patients. It's ok to say this isn't for me. At the end of the day, you need to be able to file away your day and go home. You can't do that if you aren't happy. If there isn't love in your practice. I'm not saying buying clothes for the kids and making quilts for them. I'm saying having love for what you are able to do with your hands, mind and heart. You are the miracle worker. You have the power to heal. The power to calm the biggest of tears. Only you will notice those little things that can make all the difference. No doctor will notice a slight change from day to day. You will. You have to love it, or you'll miss those things. Find what you love and embrace it.
Nurses have the power to heal, to empower. We are the spine, the cogs that make health care go. No hospital or doctor could survive without us. Take pride in that. Know that you are a nurse. You make the difference.
See ya in the NICU.....

Tidbits

Couple of things...
Saw the new Indiana Jones movie last night. Wasn't half bad. Definitely wasn't as good as Last Crusade, but wasn't as bad as Temple of Doom. I won't spoil the plot for anyone but <aliens??>. (highlight to read if you don't mind be spoiled) For a second there I forgot I was watching Indiana Jones and not <Star Wars>. But overall I recommend it, if for nothing than the dialogue, it never took itself seriously. As if you could ever take a guy named after the dog seriously....
Secondly... I've always known Jack is on the small size. He was 7lbs 2 oz at birth. A good size, but not a chunker. The more I talk to people online and in the "real world" the more nervous I get about his size. There are kids half his age who are bigger than him. He barely fits into his 6 to 9 month clothes and he'll be 8 months next week. (To be fair the only thing he doesn't really fit into are pants. He's long enough for the pants, but he has no butt or waist so the pants literally, fall down.) He's stayed roughly in the same percentage for height and weight since birth so he's growing along his curve just fine, but call it the nurse or mom in me, it's just what I worry about.
I've gotten free subscriptions to a bunch of magazine lately, either through Amazon or whatever. Don't bother with Working Mother. The title is a misnomer. It's only for well to do working mothers with things like nannies and expense accounts. Literally the first issue I got half the letters to the editor talked about what a great article they ran about nannies. I should get cracking on finding someone else to raise Jack, huh? I'm just glad I didn't waste my money on it. However I also got a free subscription to Wondertime. Now that is an amazing magazine. It's not so much a child/ parenting magazine as a magazine about learning, teaching and creating wonder with your children. It's pretty awesome.
I start the new job on Tuesday. I don't know what my schedule is like past the first week (orientation and all). I should have some time to blog.
Make sure to have a good safe holiday weekend. On Monday, remember those who have served and paid the ultimate price for our freedom. Our long holiday weekend came with a price. Remember, freedom, in no shape or form, is free.

Schedules

I've never been a big planner. Much more of a fly by the seat of my pants kinda gal. Now I'm never late (unless an act of God intervened) and I do like having stuff to do, but schedules and all that never appealed to me. (Ok scratch a bit of that. When it comes to vacations and stuff I do plan, a bit. I research stuff and what not, but I've never been one to have days down to hours).
Anyways, Jeff and I always figured with Jack we would take our cues from him. If he wanted to nap, go ahead, eat, go ahead, no real schedule here. (Within reason of course). We tried a schedule at the beginning, we were sucked into Babywise. Turns out Jack wasn't sucked in. So we've been winging it.
Until this week. This has been the longest I've been home with him straight. By myself. By this past Tuesday I was at my wits end with him. I'm too much of a mother to tune out his whining like Jeff does. He only whines when he's tired. Jeff would just let him pass out wherever. And it's worked. For him. For me...
Not so much.
So by Tuesday the whining got to me. I need 20 minutes to just think and gather my senses. We've been having bad nights on top of it. All of it's due to teething and a pretty good growth spurt. It didn't matter on Tuesday. I picked up my whining crabby son and put him in his crib. No biggie right? Well it is. I'm ashamed to say we've never used his crib outside of him sleeping at night. He didn't like his crib during the day for the first few weeks so we gave up. Never went back. Usually putting him in his crib when he's cranky leads to 10 minutes of crying. I didn't care. I out him down and walked out. I shut the door so the dogs wouldn't bother him. I waited.
And waited.
No crying. I snuck a peek.
Sound asleep.
For 2 whole hours.
I couldn't believe it. My son, the power napper, slept for two hours. I got a nap. I watched a little TV. I ate lunch.
I tried it again on Wednesday. He fell right alseep.
For 2 hours.
So today, I figured there's no way in hell he'll do it a third day straight. No way right?
It wasn't looking good. He started getting cranky at the same time. I picked him up and rocked him for a few minutes to settle him down. I put him in the crib. It was quiet for a few minutes. I was gobsmacked.
Then the wailing started.
Little goober was so tired and fighting it. I had an 18 plus pound of anger in my lap. Took a good 10 minutes of rocking and off key singing, but he fell asleep.
For 2 and half hours.
My kid wants a schedule.....

beautiful site

Just wanted to pass this link along for Tastespotting. It was described to me as a design blog meets food blog. it's wonderful!
Just a side note, if you haven't signed up for bzzagent, go do it! I've been able to review products and see new websites. Pretty nifty stuff. I was able to review the new Ziploc Twist n Loc containers. I was pretty amazed at how ingenious the containers were. I mean, the lids don't come off! I was able to mix my salad dressing with my spinach at work without fear of the lid flying off or leaking.  I still have a few coupons left from the review if anyone would like them.
Ok, two posts in 2 days... I need to lie down now....

My how time flies!

Yeah it's been a month. I didn't realize it's been that long. A lot has happened in the past month.
My mom has a buyer for her house in NJ and will close the end of June. Of course she can't move right down, her contract is still be negotiated. Long story, but the teacher's/ administrator's union in NJ is very powerful and negotiations take forever! (she's been without a contract for 2 years already). Now the issue now is getting my grandmother to move to Florida. With my Mom moving, my brother in West Virginia and me here, there's no one left in NJ for her. We've already had one scare with her that she was losing her sight (thankfully it was just a cataract), God forbid anything major happens with everyone gone. Plus she misses Jack terribly. So hopefully. Mom and Grandma are coming down in July for a week to move Mom's stuff in and spend time with Jack.
Knitting you ask? What is that! I have had no time. Why? Well outside of the usual culprits, Jack, house, life, etc there's been a major change in work. I quit. No really, I had enough. I quit, Two days after my last post I was talking to Jeff about all of my concerns and problems with where I was working. I realized that I had begun to hate my job. I hate nursing. I had always said to myself that the moment that happened that I would leave. Well I can't stop working. I could try a new environment. So late that Friday night I applied to another hospital's NICU. It's actually the hospital I had Jack at. They called me the next Monday. The money is ridiculously good. I'm talking $6 more an hour base pay. The weekend and night differentials are much better. It's 16 miles from my house versus 44.
And all of that didn't make a bit of difference to me. I would stay were I was if they actually gave a damn about it's nurses.
When I went to meet with the director of the NICU at the new place I came loaded with questions. And I do mean loaded. I grilled her. I wasn't going to be naive about changing jobs. That things were going to be so much better just because it's closer to home and the money is better. I asked her about evaluations, staffing, floating and staff morale. I actually got to talk to the staff. They were honest. They were welcoming. There was no target on anyone's back. Evaluations are done the way they should be, not vindictively like they were at the old place. Will it be perfect? No, I'm not that stupid. Will it be better? I believe so. I have to find that love of nursing again.
Anyways I know I made the right decision to leave when I handed in my letter of resignation. I expected (foolishly) that my boss would want to sit down and talk about why I was leaving. Nope. Pretty much got the whole, don't let the door hit you on the way out.  I did want to be heard so that maybe something would change for those who are still working there. So I asked for an exit interview. My "interview" was a piece of paper/ survey. That's it. No one gave a damn. It's a privilege to work there I suppose. That privilege doesn't pay my bills.
I still haven't heard about grad school. There was a mix up with part of my application. Hopefully soon I'll know.
Anyways, nothing much else is new (I don't think I could handle anything more). We bought a Wii as a combo Mother's Day/ Father's Day gift. Playing the Wii is alot of fun. We ordered Guitar Hero for it.
I don't think I have anything else to say. (For once) Hope y'all had a good Mother's Day and Nurse's Week.
Here's a new pic of Jack at the park Mother's Day weekend.

Things that make you go wtf?

I was looking at the blog stats just now. Someone found the blog while googling. No biggie. Except it's what they googled. Wimpy White Hubby.
WTF?

Yeah I know

Four posts in a week and then I disappear. Sorry about that. I worked a whole bunch and then we went up to NJ to see everyone. Plus having a 6 going on 7 month old usually kills a fair about of blogging time. Plus the knitting mojo is back :). So freaking happy to see it return!
I did finish the Clap in time for NJ. I used it on the plane to keep Jack warm and covered. Amazingly, it was the first flight in a really long time that I didn't freeze on. In fact no one seemed cold on board. I used my Peanut Shell. I've used it before with Jack, but in the airport and especially on the plane it was wonderful. He fell asleep in it while we were still in the airport. I was able to just walk on the plane get myself comfy without waking him up. He slept in the shell for a good hour into the flight. I used the shell alot in NYC as well. Strollers are IMHO stupid to have in Manhattan. Especially if you use mass transit. Way to many stairs. So I took Jack and Jeff took the diaper bag. (wound up being bags but that was just poor planning on my part). Plus if he fell asleep we never had to wake him to put him in or out of the stroller. In fact while we had a stroller we only used it in the airports and could easily have done without it. Your mileage may vary.
Anwyays back to clap. I finished it. Not without trauma. While washing it the yarn broke in one section. I think it's where I joined a new skein in, but I'm not sure. So I had to do some surgery. You can tell something is amiss there, but it's better than a big hole. It's still lovely and beautiful. Yes it's huge. It's easily 7 feet long. I used just a touch over 4 skeins of Claudia's Hnadpainted worsted weight. It was big before I blocked it, but I probably got another foot out of it when I did. (BTW, blocking wires are the best. Spend the $20 and get a set. Trust me.) Anyways, I do like it being so big, I can wrap Jack and I in it with room to spare. I couldn't see wearing it as a scarf as shown in the original Knitty pattern. I wanted something big and beautiful. And I got it. It's super soft too. It was worth spending the extra money to use Claudia's. I may make another at some point. But I need a break from it.
I also finished Jack's hat for the Devil's game. The child has a HUGE head. I made his hat, bound it off and then put it on him (stupid I know) and it was way to small. Thankfully I did it top down. Instead of a ribbed cuff, I did a roll brim. I figure this was he'll get more wear out of it. It's not like he's going to have a lot of use out of a wool hat here in Florida. But with the roll brim I figure he should be able to wear it for another year or so. He did wear it to the Devil's game (which the Devil's won thankfully. and the new Prudential Center is amazing! A total step up from Continental, er, Izod arena.) My Mom picked on the hat saying something about looking like a Polish refugee and wanted to buy him a knit hat. I pretty much told her to shove it.
I finished two other projects that I don't have pictures for since they've been given away already. One was an IPod holder for Jeff's Nano. I used a bit more of the Karaoke from Jack's hat and felted it. I plan to make another for my IPod. I knit it one night at work. Super easy. I also made the Hurry up spring armwarmers from SnB Nation. I've wanted to make them for a really long time but always thought the cables would be too hard. The cables are very fiddly in the pattern, but the pattern is super easy and look amazing. I used stash yarn (!). I had some Nashua Handknits in Ocean. To be fair, the colorcard on their site does not show off the colors really well. There's alot more in color changes than the 3 shown. There are some really deep blues to light blues mixed in with some mossy to sea-foam greens. I finished it as I was getting ready to leave NJ. Well I finished one. The other one is almost done and getting ready to be mailed. I will take a pic of it I promise.
Next up will be some socks. And another UFO to clear out. Which one? No idea.
As far as baby. Man he's getting so big so fast. He's going to be 7 months soon. Holy cow. Where did the time go? Currently he's eating his foot. The kid has a foot fetish.  He had a great time in NJ playing with his Uncles and Aunts and assorted grandparents. My brother seems to have a unique bond with Jack. He speaks Jackaneese to Jack. Jack answers him back. It's quite amusing. Jack also went to the Yankees game. We knew the potential existed for cold weather in NJ for April. We weren't expecting it to be as cold as it was. Jack was plenty warm the rest of us froze. I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself, what do you think? Our last full day we went into the city with my dad and stepmom. Jeff and I had planned a day to go into the City with Jack, just worked out going with them. We trekked over to the Museum of Natural History. We hadn't been there since before we moved to Florida in 2000. At that point the Hayden Planetarium had just reopened. Both Jeff and I remember many trips to the MoNH growing up, either class trips or with our parents. There is alot that hasn't changed. The animal exhibits are exactly as I remember when I was 6 or 7. But they had a bunch of new exhibits including one of evolution. I called my brother on that one. It was an amazing exhibit. Plus the new dinosaur exhibit was impressive. Jack had a fine time. He found Daddy is an excellent mode of transport. Which was good since by that point my back was starting to hate carrying around a 17 pound lump.
It's taken me 4 hours to write this post. Must be a new record for me. Jack's been clingy today. So let me tootles while he's sleeping. Knit on or whatever....